The JD's Random Blog

David Stein's Day

2008-10-29T01:45:00.001-05:00

David Stein made the right call by going with the chicken. You can never go wrong with chicken.

On another note, he really should've gotten the cat litter ASAP. Why wait? Laziness is never a good thing. Come on, Stein, let's get it together!

New JD Pet Peeve

2008-04-02T11:15:00.002-05:00

I guess this fits into the general category of "People who F up my universe."

Really though, it's people who change the terms of an agreed upon deal without notice and expect you to just be happy with it. You see, I'm the sort of person who makes plans based on certain information. When that information changes, plans change. Then JD gets angry. Then it's time for JD SMASH.

But, in the meantime, the impetus for this post was resolved. I'm calm now. The end.

Guys are clueless. I had no idea.

2008-03-20T11:55:00.002-05:00

Linky

All I can say to this is, well, duh.

And the funny part is that women haven't yet learned to step sending these under-the-radar clues. So, really, who's at fault here? If the message isn't getting through and you know it isn't getting through, START SPEAKING ANOTHER LANGUAGE.

That is all.

Do me a favor

2008-03-14T00:25:00.002-05:00

Go here: http://jd44.8m.com/jdneedsacar.html

If you do, and you donate, I promise I'll update this more.

This travel writer should be fired

2008-02-16T12:07:00.002-06:00

Or at least made to visit these places.

In this piece of travel writing rubbish, the "Editorial Staff" (a great way to avoid accountability is to not put your name on something or have an e-mail link to accept criticism) put BALTIMORE as the #1 overlooked city. They're encouraging a person to visit this place. Why?

"Track down the settings for John Waters' films (Hairspray, Pink Flamingos, and Female Trouble, among many others, were all shot here)"

If John Waters appears anywhere in the first 500,000 words on why a person should visit a place, it's clearly a horrible place to visit. And a little research would've showed the dopes at Shermans Travel that in 2006, Baltimore had the highest murder rate in the United States. Higher than Detroit; St. Louis; and Washington, D.C.

Shermans Travel, I don't care how good crab cakes are. The Murder Capital of the US can't be the best overlooked place to visit. It's overlooked because it's a death wish. Who you crappin'?

Phase Outs

2008-01-20T03:05:00.000-06:00

For a long time now I've been the guy who talked about phase outs. Over the past couple months, I've realized that I've unintentionally (really?) phased out a few people. Not necessarily completely, but what's happened is that I've separated myself, and as a result, I no longer see any point to continuing communication.

I can sleep at night knowing that none of the people who fall into this category will suffer one iota from any decision I make.

In fact, the only real "decision" is whether or not I want to take the step of torching the bridge. To continue the metaphor, I could just as easily take a different route. There isn't a need to be "official" with something like this, right? But, if not, isn't the whole thing just in my head anyway?

Since none of the people have caused me harm or done anything to deserve harsh treatment, all current phase outs are indefinite. I am suspending all contact until further notice. In the meantime, if one of these individuals feels the urge to get into contact with me (they never do) then I suppose I can indulged their whim.

This is what happens when your only communication with people is a stupid instant messenger device. I'm so, so happy to be free from those handcuffs. Fake friends be damned. After all, that's all they ever were anyway.

The more I post Random things that aren't funny news stories, the more people will realize what a deplorable human being I really am. Should be fun.

Hottie Birthday Day!

2007-11-30T03:31:00.000-06:00

Today Elisha Cuthbert turns 25 and Kaley Cuoco turns 22. Indeed, today is a tremendous day for hottie birthdays.

Richard Roberts is on the list

2007-11-28T18:51:00.000-06:00

Reading articles like this http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071128/ap_on_re_us/oral_roberts_scandal really makes me sick. It's not so much that Roberts is a fraud who is clearly brainwashing and using people. It's the cheering dopes. How can people be so stupid?

Funny how things work

2007-11-05T00:11:00.000-06:00

Why is it that the people I know who seem to try to "eat healthy" always feel like crap all the time? Maybe it's just that I can't eat fruits and vegetables all the time without being hospitalized (it's true), but every single person I know who's all "I will change my diet and eat organic foods and feel great!" are the ones who are constantly changing to a new diet because each one is so awful.

Eat like a normal human being. Wanna cut out some fast food? Fine. But eating a french fry or two every now and then won't kill you.

Democracy, booooo

2007-11-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not the most political person around, but the Stephen Colbert presidential candidacy announcement got everybody's attention, including mine. Sure, Colbert running for POTUS is a joke. We all know that. Him AS POTUS would be an even bigger joke. To be honest, I don't like the idea of Colbert taking away votes from Barack Obama, either. So knowing he's not on the ballot is, technically, good in my world.

Except I hate how it was done.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071101/ap_po/colbert_ballot

This is democracy? This is how we want our country to be run? Why is it that the Democratic Party shoots itself in the foot any chance they get? The whole point is that we should be allowed to vote for whomever we wish, especially if they say they want office. What kind of message does this send?

American Democracy: Where you can be in charge, but only if you're a part of a really big club.

New JD Pet Peeve

2007-10-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

I've only noticed this recently - within the past year or so - and it drives me up a wall.

Why are people starting to say "All the sudden" like that, you know, makes any sense?

All. Of. A. Sudden. Come on people. Think about what words mean before you just start repeating cliches wrongly. Ugh. This is really annoying. Not as annoying as inappropriate use of the word "seen," but annoying nonetheless.

Why workshopping amuses me

2007-10-17T03:00:00.000-05:00

People who correct my grammar incorrectly do wonders for my self-esteems. Even better than a similar proofreading mark is a full-length description of how wrong something is when it's actually right.

Man, I'm arrogant.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat

2007-10-09T22:21:00.000-05:00

Real headline: Blood pressure and weight predict heart failure, research finds

I'm pretty sure we already knew that, right? What, is curing cancer too difficult so we're gonna keep studying why fat guys are dropping dead at 40? Seriously?

Strippers are disgusting

2007-09-10T00:08:00.000-05:00

I've always known that strippers weren't worth my time in any capacity, but that was pretty much made clear tonight.

I avoided the disgusting display of self-loathing, but I know what happened. I am not pleased.

And the bad stuff didn't even happen to me.

Ew.

A poem from a couple years ago

2007-09-08T20:31:00.001-05:00

I was listening to a Mitch CD last night and realized I never really shared the poem I wrote about him. So here it is. Mitch joke references included.

Missing Mitch

A frozen banana is tossed to the side,
Maybe later.

From behind his draped, tinted view
The killer shields himself from his prey
He gazes at their smiles through shaded eyes,
Eyes with sagging lids,
Lids with laughing folks on the inside.

The mop keeps him safe inside himself
And lets us know he likes cake.

He is the one-man firing squad,
He kills with timing,
He kills with observation,
He kills with absurdity.

The killer lures them with his laugh,
He mutters through his routine,
All together they sit and listen,
And wait . . .

The killer strikes, all encompassingly.
He slays,
His victims love him for it
And they die with a smile.

He bites into the banana, now regular,
And sighs,
"Alright."

A Correction

2007-08-21T12:11:00.000-05:00

Miscommunication is what caused my last post. Turns out, the only mistake was me thinking I made a mistake. I guess I know what I'm doing after all.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the Warrior when I type these things.

Shooting

2007-08-13T22:43:00.000-05:00

There was a time when I would frequently contemplate unleashing shoot after shoot on people. I always liked the idea of being blatantly, harshly honest. Stingingly honest. Nothing, I thought, was better than the truth. Nothing.

But I have a problem. The problem is that, deep down, I don't actually want anybody to know the truth. I don't want people to know the truth about what I think, what I feel, what I believe. I have said before that I tell lots of people lots of things about my life, some more than others, but nobody ever gets all the information. And all the information has never been given. Even if all the people I've ever befriended collaborated, the story would be dreadfully incomplete. And that's the way I like it.

I found it was easier - and sometimes more fun - to simply work people. I mean work as in "working the system," I suppose. Part of this was from necessity. A survival tactic, so to speak. I don't mean survival in the sense that I would be dead otherwise, but survival of identity, of self, and of the appearance of normalcy. If I didn't deliberately, carefully pick and choose everything then life could go terribly awry.

Clearly, I'm a control freak. I don't so much care what other people do, but I need my situation to be controlled. And, I suppose, that sometimes means I need to manipulate others to fit into a particular strategic plan. I use people. The funny thing is, I don't use people for horrible things. I don't use friends for money, women for sex, or anything horrible like that. I use people to fulfill needs. Real needs. Mental needs, emotional needs, the need to be able to not just be a part of a situation but to be able to maintain control over a situation.

You see, I'm not very spontaneous. I'm not whimsical (or whimish, as I may have said in a past life). I'm calculating. I'm big on details. I plan for everything and back up the back-up plans. I like to be prepared. Always. Of course, I've acted as if I were spontaneous. I've pretended to act on a whim. I've faked this idea of some freewheeling experience. Where we end up, nobody knows. But I would always know. Or, at the very least, I would have a decent idea.

I'm not saying this works perfectly all the time. Far from it. Being this way I am entirely devoid of any skills necessary for real, proper social interaction. I never learned those skills. I learned pretend skills. I taught myself how to get by undetected. I taught myself how to make others believe that everything was 100% fine. I worked others.

Recently it has occurred to me - rather painfully, I might add - a few important things. The first is that I do not always consider all the possibilities. The second is that sometimes a person simply is not capable of being worked. And, the third, is that failing to create that ideal situation in my own demented mind can lead to a complete irreparable collapse of the entire circumstance. It has happened that the one possibility I did not account for, primarily because it's far too ridiculous for anybody to even comprehend, has occurred. My refusal to adequately pass along information - about self, intentions, etc. - led to false notions. And those false notions inspired actions and feelings that I did not anticipate.

And I'm not sure I can fix it. In fact, I'm almost certain I can't. And I'm a fixer. For me to not be able to fix a problem is traumatic. That is especially true when the problem was my fault. I screwed up. I'm not sure how, exactly. I thought I had everything properly communicated. I thought I had revealed enough, but for once, I did not. And it cost me.

Most people seem to have a problem with properly discriminating between "do tell" and "don't tell." I usually don't. For reasons that I will keep to myself, I absolutely must hide from others. Not everything. But enough. Most people jump out into the open, there, ready for the world to see it all. I guess I'm just a little more modest than that.

This is a shoot. This is me being honest. Yet, still, I'm working anybody who reads this. I have omitted details. I have chosen to only tell you so much. Have I opened up? Absolutely. But, like always, I have opened up just enough. So, to everybody out there, I apologize because I will not change. You must let the story unfold. All I can promise is that one day the pages will be laid in front of you and then, just maybe, you will understand. But until then, unfortunately, I have to make a difficult decision. I might have to take another person's book away before they get to the end.

So it goes.

Three Things That Suck

2007-08-08T13:46:00.001-05:00

Three things that are absolutely garbage despite their baffling popularity:

1) Futurama
2) The Killers
3) Batista

Terrible show, terrible band, and terrible wrestler. Yet, for some reason, very popular. I don't get it and never will.

How Harry Potter should end

2007-07-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

When I originally made this comment it was more than a little off-color, so let's clean it up for the kiddies.

Basically, I want it to end like The Sopranos. You know, Harry can be about to vanquish the evil whatever, but he hesitates. I don't know why, maybe because Harry's just a wimp. And then Hermoine (did I spell that right? Meh) yells out, "What are you doing, Harry?! Don't stop . . ."

The end.

Saddest.

2007-07-11T22:38:00.001-05:00

The saddest thing is when people confirm your suspicions that they simply don't care anymore. I rarely have had a more difficult time with a decision.

Almost 4 months and not one single effort.

Edit: Chances have been given. I just can't believe it.

People are laughing and it feels good

2007-07-08T22:35:00.001-05:00

I have completed not just one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2007, but something I have wanted to do for many years. And since I have a habit of not following through on these silly little ideas, it feels really good to finally "Get off the bench and onto the court" as David Stein would say.

I busted my butt all last week to make sure I had the set down. I would not, under any circumstances, fail because I wasn't prepared. So I prepared. I wrote and re-wrote. I rehearsed over and over again. And then at about 7:30 in the PM Saturday, Eric introduced me. If I had to estimate, and I don't but will anyway, there were about 40 people in attendance. I got up there, I told my jokes, and people laughed. Except they didn't much care for the sleepwalkers joke. That one is funny though, I promise.

Apparently I'm funny. I mean, I know I can be funny. But apparently I can tell jokes. I can make people laugh.

And now I have something else I want to do that probably will never ever make me any money. Tremendous.

Real Conversation

2007-06-21T21:40:00.000-05:00

The following took place last night:

Older guy on the softball team: Why is it that every young girl smokes?
::Group of girls who, naturally, are smoking approach::
Older guy: See, that's my point.
Me: I can tell you exactly why. It's because I will never ever ever date a girl who smokes. Ever.

Yes, the world revolves around me, but only insomuch as it wants to screw me over whenever possible. Isn't that an odd combination of extreme arrogance and total paranoia? I'm awesome.

The Greatest

2007-06-15T20:47:00.000-05:00

I just watched, literally, no more than 90 seconds of Ric Flair/Edge on SmackDown and that was enough to see why Ric Flair is the greatest ever.

It can't be explained to those who don't watch, or even to some of those who do but don't realize what Flair does in the ring. But John Layfield did a tremendous job of explaining it on commentary. Like a good novel, in which every word, phrase, sentence, and paragraph is carefully constructed to deliver the best possible story to the audience, every Ric Flair movement is with purpose. Every chop, every "Woooo!" is done to advance and enhance the story he tells. The best part is that, unlike a writer, Flair doesn't revise and edit. He works on the fly, with no room for error.

I'm convinced that more people could be wrestling fans - and not Vince McMahon faking his death wrestling, but actual solid wrestling - if they only could get it. Just pay attention to the story the great ones tell in the ring. Start with Ric Flair.

I love puns in headlines

2007-05-19T12:46:00.001-05:00

This one made me giggle:

Ladder-related accidents climb in U.S., study finds

A random thought

2007-05-05T22:03:00.000-05:00

This just hit me, but now that it has I'm really annoyed by it. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas had a city, San Fierro, that was essentially supposed to be San Francisco. Yet, there was no Alcatraz-inspired prison. I'm shocked that the guys at Rockstar didn't think to include this. Imagine the possibilities!

Yes, I just got frustrated with a 3 year old game that I wasn't even playing at the time of my bright idea.

Pen names and missing the point of them

2007-05-02T17:20:00.000-05:00

A little note to Nora Roberts:

There is no point in having the pen name if you are going to put your real name on the cover. Why can't Nora Roberts write as Nora Roberts? It boggles the mind.

Rest in Peace Vonnegut

2007-04-11T23:45:00.000-05:00

'Tis a sad, sad day. One of the best American authors ever, Kurt Vonnegut, died today.

He's my favorite author, if I had to pick one. It's hard to be truly heartbroken when an 84-year-old dies, but it's still sad. Thanks for being all kinds of awesome, Mr. Vonnegut.

The Things You Find

2007-03-30T03:46:00.000-05:00

I have recently been motivated to dig through all the boxes in my closet. It's amazing what a little spring cleaning can do. Not only have I made my room far messier than it was before I started this project, but I've discovered a lot.

I saved a lot of crap over the years. A good portion of that has now been brought to the curb where the fine civil servants on the big smelly truck will haul it away tomorrow.

I have also found some items of minimal value. There isn't a gold mine in my closet, but I have a couple boxes filled with perfect garage sale items. Maybe there's only $10-20 there, but that's money I don't have (and junk I do have).

School stuff. Lots of it. Notebooks and graded papers and binders. As a packrat/person who hates wasting, I have saved all the sheets that have just one side used. I go through lots of scrap paper. But I definitely have unloaded a good 20 pounds of paper into the recycling bin.

I always tell people I never took the SAT. Apparently that's a lie. I did take it and I got a 910. Bad, eh? Well, I was 11 when I did that. Bite me. That's gonna be a JD fact.

But the most important thing is that I have found old letters and pictures and evidence of the only 200 game I ever bowled. I'm not sure where to even put a lot of this. I'm sure it'll go back in a box. In fact, I know it will. But I do plan to carefully label this box so it won't be three years from now and I think "I wonder whatever happened to that stuff."

I am sad, though. There was one thing I was really hoping I'd find but I couldn't. I have a feeling I threw it away a long time ago. It wasn't much. A little piece of cheaply made cardboard with a very succint message from someone who I wasn't even great friends with at the time. But it just so happens that I've become a lot closer to the person and this little anti-recognition of a silly little holiday makes me smile every time I think of it. I suppose there's still hope that it remains somewhere in this mess.

And now I must get back to the cleaning. It's 4 AM and I have boxes of randomness all over my bed.

Roller shoes. I want some.

2007-03-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

I'm out of touch with all things related to the kids these days (mainly because I hate kids), so perhaps this is one of those things that is new only to me. Today I saw a kid wearing this newfangled device called a roller shoe. How cool is that? I wanna get a pair and then pick a fight then just rolllll away laughing.

Crazy Grannies.

2007-03-15T22:31:00.000-05:00

Some things just aren't right. This is one of them.

Reno 911: Miami is apparently for real

2007-03-09T02:40:00.000-06:00

This totally made my night.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070308/us_nm/usa_cuba_boatlift_dc

But then my night was ruined by the thing that I talked about in the Sports Blog.

Beware: Wonderbread on the loose

2007-03-08T23:11:00.000-06:00

Tonight my father (also known as Doctor-Scientist in his own brain) told me that white bread is one of the main killers of people. In fact, because I can't eat whole wheat bread I'm actually going to drop dead any day now.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Junk Mail

2007-03-07T17:53:00.000-06:00

Today at the house we got some mail for my grandma. My dad's mom.

She died in February 1996. And she never even lived at this house.

Why do companies not care they're wasting so much money on this type of mail?

I want that 20 Minutes of my life back

2007-03-05T02:54:00.000-06:00

Tonight I tried to watch Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Twenty minutes into that piece of trash, I shut it of. On what planet would a CGI-infested science-fiction noir movie sound like a good idea? It didn't help that the film didn't have people I cared for. Ugh. Someone owes me for sitting through part of that.

I can't get over how annoyed I am that somebody even came up with the concept for this garbage.

On a happier note: I saw Jim Gaffigan on Saturday night. He was tremendous. About half of the 75-80 minutes was new material.

Brian Regan in Joliet in about a week and a half. I'm considering dropping the $32 to see him.

I hate snow

2007-02-13T12:59:00.000-06:00

Snow is the devil. I refuse to accept contrarian points of view on this matter. Discussion over.

RIP Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-08T15:01:00.000-06:00

So Anna Nicole Smith has passed away. I'm not broken up over this or anything, but something did come to mind. If she thought TrimSpa was great for losing weight, wait until she sees what decomposition does for her figure.

A not-so-new poem

2007-02-07T23:32:00.000-06:00

Here's another one that very few people have seen before. I edited it slightly tonight; it's the first I've touched it since around May 2006. Thoughts welcome, as always.

Cogitate on a Plane

In this aerodynamic time machine
The spectrum stretches across the firmament
And I glide from day to darkness –
Two hours forward –
Yet not once do I feel like I’m wasting time.

Time to play the game:
The chess board miles below is vacant, but I can imagine
Your pawns falling to mine,
And willingly I sacrifice a knight and rook
Because the Queen is who I want.

Soaring into the future
And though it all turns black,
(The game below me called on account of darkness)
Up here there is no rain
Since I’m above that sort of thing.

And you should be, too,
Because I can always forgive
No matter how many times
You take advantage because I have no umbrella
When you know I hate being wet.

With light slipping off the end of the earth,
I surge into the sable sky
Ready to plunge into the embers
Of this Midwest metropolis
To check for you in the heart of the night.

A new poem

2007-02-07T17:37:00.000-06:00

I've been working on this one for a week or so. I'm not quite sure it's finished yet, but I like how it's looking for the moment. Is that ending really cool or really awful?

The Magic

I see the lovers drift among the debris.
They evade the drones’ debauchery,
guided by the melody –
These polar opposites, strikingly similar –
gravitate to the center where
their eyes engage
they focus their meander.

And in a swirl I circle,
Gently caressing the lovers
With an invasion of sensibilities
And an infusion of emotion.
With one hand extended, I push towards
the shove of the other hand.

I strip them of their surroundings;
they stand, frozen, until time
permits with the bellow of the hollow gong
not once, or twice,
but twelve times
in the beginning of the day,
the middle of the night,
the end of their pursuit.

Bounded by the darkness,
persistent flashes of green
Purple
Blue
Red
galvanize the motion of the lovers,
I turn them, as one,
into something they never expected,
into something that, even at this cursed hour,
Can not be corrupted by the wills of the damned.

My fleeting charm subsides with the
Emergence of the morning illumination.
The bodies gradually spin to a stop,
she extracts her head from the valley
of the neck and shoulder of her paramour.
Those eyes, once molded into a single vision,
surrender to the dawn
with my chemistry gone
they float away towards the rest of their lives.

Complaint about people

2007-02-05T01:01:00.000-06:00

I complain a lot, I know, but it seriously bugs me that people don't appreciate things.

I'm much, much nicer than I could be. Or ought to be, it seems. I guess things are gonna have to change.

People don't do work on weekends

2007-01-25T14:48:00.000-06:00

Note to a certain website that expected a well-planned, coherent sample article to be prepared over the course of approximately 24 hours ON THE WEEKEND: that's bad business. Have fun with your inferior writer.

Yes, I'm bitter. But still, to expect something "by Sunday night at the latest" when you send the e-mail Saturday afternoon is, to say the least, retarded.

Someone needs to teach these dopes what the phrase "business day" means. And no, I'm not giving their site any free press by mentioning it.

Endless Fun =

2007-01-20T00:13:00.000-06:00

Making a slinky go down an Up escalator.

Guitar Hero is stupid

2007-01-17T15:06:00.000-06:00

That's right, I said it. Guiatar Hero is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Wait, it's the second dumbest. The Wii is even dumber.

Video games that make you exert lots of phyiscal effort to play are defeating the whole purpose. You wanna play a silly little fake guitar? Learn to play a real one.

Video games are around so we don't have to be active. That's why they're enjoyable. It's physically relaxing, even though games can be very intense.

Guitar Hero = Cure for insomnia . . . and video game addiction. I'd rather do my best New Jack impression on some dork with that thing than play it.

Alaska is pointless for people who like things

2007-01-11T20:31:00.000-06:00

Bumped into this headline on the Net. It cracked me up.

"Bright comet excites Alaska stargazers"

Note to self: Never go to Alaska. There's nothing to do.

Omar is cool, indeed.

2007-01-09T18:26:00.000-06:00

So over the past month or so I've been plowing through the first four seasons of The Wire. The show itself is excellent, and I'm sad that the fifth season will be the last. But that's not the purpose of the post. This is:

Omar Little is my favorite minor character in any show ever, ever.

It's unheard of to find a character so compelling, so unique, and with so much dynamism for being so minor. That's probably why the original seven-episode plan for the character has developed into thirty-something episodes.

I'll let the Wiki page at the bottom of this post give the full details, but I'll say that I originally thought that Michael K. Williams was portraying a character that truly inspired me. But then I realized that it's close to impossible to emulate Omar. It's too one-of-a-kind to serve as the basis for anything anybody can do. David Simon is a true genius for the creation of possibly the most genuine, most likable character in a show filled with good guys who are bad and bad guys who are even worse. Omar manages to live by his own code, always following rules in a city where rules are optional.

Omar Little's Wikipedia Page

The JD's Random Blog welcomes you

2006-10-25T00:34:00.000-05:00

ran‧dom [ran-duhm]
–adjective

1.	proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern: the random selection of numbers.

"random." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1). Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006. 24 Oct. 2006. http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=random>

So what's the point?

The point is this: I have no idea what will be here in the future. Hence, this is my Random Blog. If you don't know me, I implore you to visit my site at http://jd44.8m.com. You can learn all about me there. Then come back here and read some of the nonsense that goes through my head throughout the day.

I look forward to you getting to know me, faceless pair of Internet eyes.